Something Different Tonight!!

OK!  Enough of my home improvement posts for awhile!  I think that most of you are probably getting sick of reading about how the Serious house is being made-over…… What’s that??  A few of you still want more??  Well then, here is a short update!  The painters returned today (I’m holding their compressor hostage, just to make sure they do) and they will finish tomorrow.  My electrician friend cancelled but he promised that he would be here at a definite day and time.  Wednesday, Thursday or Friday between 7:00 AM and 6:00 PM!  What a guy!!!  The crazy Asian woman still hasn’t returned for the rest of the bed, but as Jess said, maybe she’s using the parts for a Vietnamese craft project!!  If so, I will wanna see it!!  I just don’t want her bringing that crap back HERE!! 
 
No pics tonight…. I know how disappointed you all must be, but tomorrow, I Promise!!!  FINAL ones!!  Except for the lawn, which looks like someome spread Wheaties all over it!  Guess the RoundUp is working.
 
Here’s my stupid post for tonight
 
 
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)
 
 
 
 
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
  
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
  
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote  that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint  mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.  
  
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done

 
 
(WOW!!  So sorry!!  Those were BAD!!!)
 
I PROMISE to return tomorrow with MUCH better material!
 
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6 Responses to Something Different Tonight!!

  1. Stephanie says:

    I’m looking forward to the pictures!
    As to the rest…… GROOOOAAAANNNN lol BIG HUGS, Steph 

  2. ♥ Aimee says:

    lol…too funny…
    *~* :o) smiles are contagious… :o) so pass one on … :o) soon the whole world will be smiling… :o) *~* 

  3. Cindy says:

    I love the way your electrician pinpoints his exact time of arrival.  It must be a universal code of conduct.  That drives me nuts!  Hope he doesn’t find out the fish are biting or some other event is happening and have to alter his strict schedule.  Have a good one!
     

  4. DragonBoy says:

     
    Hey Bob… hope things are good with you.  Thanks for the jokes.  Been laughing loads at the ones you’ve sent so far.
     
    Something in a similar vein to this list:
     
    Two blokes were arrested for drinking battery acid and eating a firework.  One was charged and the other let off. 
     
    Cheers
    DB
     

  5. KatSoup says:

    ha ha  

  6. KatSoup says:

    I have been visiting but, could not comment.  same ole shit.  It was easy today.  I am glad to hear about bertle. 🙂
    I am also enjoying the work being done.  I do wonder about cementing over the hot tub – silly boy!  I hope Mrs. Serious is pleased with the finished color.  Yellow in an office sounds nice. 
    Well rest up until Friday when it all resumes.

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