Bert Redux

Back in march of this year I posted a story about our Desert Tortoise, Bert, on my since deleted space.  I’m sure that many of you remember it, but since then I have added many new friends, something took place today that made me feel I should do a repost! 
A little background first:  We called AT&T to repair Mrs Serious’ fax line and they sent out someone from CTS, a sub-contractor of theirs.  Here is the correspondence that that took place:
Dear Ms. Palumbo,
Your technician, Randy Baker, just completed a repair job at my home.  I have to tell you what happened as I am beside myself with joy.  I have owned a tortoise (his name is Bert) for 45 years (I was only five when I got him and he is actually over 60 now!) who has been a part of our life and household forever.  About three years ago, he simply dissappeared.  We found no signs of him digging out (we have cinder block walls) so the only thing we could figure was that someone stole him. 
When Randy emerged from beneath our house, he asked if we owned a tortoise.  You can only imagine my reaction!  He was in a place that Randy could not get to, so couldn’t tell if he was still alive.  Of course, there was no way that he could be.  I think Randy saw my sorrow and insisted on going back in (with a big hook thing) and at least trying to find out.  Image my elation when both Randy and Bert emerged from the crawl space…ALIVE!!!  It was truly a miracle that he could survive so long without food or water.
Randy would absolutely not accept a reward, so I thought I could at least let you know what a fabulous thing he did for us (oh, and by the way, he did a great job on fixing my fax line)!  How rare it is to find in today’s world an employee that will go over and above the call of duty, he is surely one of a kind.
Randy is truly my hero (and Bert’s!) and I can never repay him for finding my long lost friend.  Without Randy, I’m sure he wouldn’t have survived much longer.
A VERY satisfied  customer,
And their response:

Hi Rebecca,

Thank you for your email and the pictures. With your permission, I’d like to include your story and the picture of you, Randy & Bert  in the next issue of our company newsletter. It really is amazing that he was able to find Bert- he’s quite the big boy! (Randy, that is!)I have also forwarded on your email internally to Randy’s manager and other members of our executive team.



Well, we received 4 copies of the newsletter today in the mail!! 
Here are the photos from the newsletter. I thought it was very cool of them to do that.  So unlike phone companies, but I guess not with subcontractors.
Now!  How could a creature live for 3 years, under our house, with no food or water??  Well. the only thing that I can come up with is that tortoises hibernate during the winter so I suppose that he did just that… for 3 YEARS!!!  No wonder they live so long!!!  He’ll probably outlive me!!  And now he’s horny!!  Look out Steph!!
In other news,  got the sprinklers finished and they work great!!  I was sure to do an inspection and make sure that all of the soil was covered.  Monday they will be adding plants under the picture window (our choice! We pay wholesale and they plant for free!!), and Tuesday , roto-tilling and leveling out the soil.
Wednesday they will add soil amendments and on Thursday the sod arrives!!
Then the watering begins… And learning to program the timer!  The first week, 3 times a day for ten minutes, week two, 2 times a day and the third week once a day!!  After that it’s once every other day and it can be mowed!! 
We haved lived here for 25 years, so after that long watering with a hose, I’m very excited.  Especially since I can program the sprinklers to start just when Mrs Serious is stepping into the shower!!  Evil I am!!! 
Hope you all have a SUPER weekend!! 
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10 Responses to Bert Redux

  1. CAROL says:

    I told you he was a celebrity tortoise!! Good old Bert.. he is getting a new yard to play in.. he will feel like he is in
    paradise for sure with all that lovely grassss! MY question is.. HOW DO YOU KNOW HE IS HORNY ?? IS he chasing the dogs the best he can or is he upside down wiggling his legs in the air.. WHAT??!! heheh… Hey he was "without" for a long long time I guess he is entitled to some action. but where the heck is he gonna find some lovin’?? HAH.. Take care of yourselves.. stay cool..  :  ) 

  2. Louise says:

    Ohhh Bob you are wicked hehehe. Guess after 25 years it’ll  be good but then what ya gonna do???????? All you’ll be doing then is sitting out in the garden with a drink and what have ya ll, then you’ll end up drunk and maybe fall over or summet daft cos you know what ur like lol. I’d tuck a blanket somewhere just incase it gets chilly lol. Andy who drives the van fell over in his garden once coming in a bit drunk and spent all nigh there freezing to death cos he couldn’t get up again, was him that warned me about that lmao.
    Ohhhh my old hoover is a Dyson Bob I’ve had it 9 or ten years and ohhhh the shame the first time I ever used it, mucky bitch lmao. Honest you wouldn’t believe some of the crap that was in it and I had to empty it a million times. Did have a dog and cats mind! Yak minging.
    I’m going now, I keep doing things wrong tonight lol, made mr g a coffee with cold water, doh. and me spellings gone too, keep getting in big letters like I’m yelling lol, yeah I know it’s a long wey away and youre a bit deaf lol. It’s yer age and selective hearing hehehehe. Must have been that J I had lol.
    Hope you’re having a fab weekend. ill have to see if I can find summet ele for me scruffy mate to bark at lol.
    (((BIG HUGS))) and bright blessings xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

  3. Raven says:

    Bon matin Bob!
        We have 2 tortoises and a turtle living in the fabulous "Turtle Town" that the hubby built for them under my 3 orange trees…2 of them hibernate from October until sometime in March, but not for 3 years!!  You know, I too am curious just how you know Bert has unfulfilled needs…are you a tortoise whisperer or have you seen him out in the yard eyeing the dogs, rocks or other objects lustily?  Tell us Bob, TELL US! Don’t make me get that riding crop out again, I’ll do it!!

  4. Cheryl says:

    They are great pictures.  We don’t have sprinklers here because it rains so much.  Rarely does three days go by without rain.  That is one expense we don’t have….Hope you all are doing well.

  5. Hope says:

    Laughing.. perhaps you should keep the sprinkler off.. while your wife takes her shower.. just a thought.. but it would be horrid if you only got to enjoy the sprinker system for only a very brief amount of time.. "smile"
    glad to know your foot is doing much better..
    its always a pleasure when MSN allows me entrance into your space and see what your up to..
    So Bart is horny.. must be in the air.. my puppy is horny as well.. time to get him fixed I’m afraid..
    have a beautfiul weekend Bob..
    hugs ~Hope

  6. Beth says:

    A beautiful story!  Made my day. 

  7. Jane says:

     Congrats to Bert.  Was he pissed that you woke him up, I wonder?
    Just cuz I’m feeling onry today, I was going to tell you the truth about ‘automatic’ sprinklers.  But I think I will make a blog of it instead of giving it away for free.  Besides, I’m a bit hard up for subjects these days.  hehehe.  Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough….

  8. Cindy says:

     What a sweet story!
    Thanks for sharing it.
    I hope you are having a great weekend too!
    Take care

  9. Stephanie says:

    OK, here’s what I think… we should put an ad in the ‘personals’ for Bert.
    Single, older male, seeks companionship of single female of the tortoise persuasion. Non-smoker, social drinker. Willing to spend warm California summer nights in my backyard?  I have no children, but do have 3 dogs, (am willing to discuss dog removal for some really good nookie!)
    I have my own yard, and ‘live in’ servants. You’ll never have to worry about anything but relaxing and enjoying "Bert Luvin."
     Send photo, measurements and proof you are fertile, to…. Bert’s Horny, c/o Bob RUSerious, 55555 Tortoise Way, Any Town, California
    (Bert hun, we can ‘tweak’ it later, right now it’s just more important to ‘get you some!’
    BIG HUGS, Steph

  10. ♥ Aimee says:

    i remmeber that….it’s good to hear that he is doing so well…
    *~*   :o) smiles are contagious…  :o)  so pass one on …  :o)  soon the whole world will be smiling… :o)   *~*  

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