Pleez don’t tell our dad!! It’s his 3 dogs, Buzz, Bonnie and Baxter. Bert would be here too but he’s outside doing nasty turtle things to some sorta planter!! Ewww!!! If dad knew we were using his computer he would be very upset so please don’t tell him, OK? I, Buzz, am typing this. Not because I’m the smartest but because I have the hugest thumbs!!
So anyhow, we have a few issues with dad, and mom, and although they don’t know it, we know what they do on the computer and where their friends are. HERE!!!
The first complaint comes from Bonnie (my little bitch of a sister!)
‘Alright fat-boy!! Back off before I kick your lazy butt AGAIN!!! My complaint is about the frickin’ lack of ball-playing time I get!! The idiots keep buying them but dad refuses to get his lazy ass up to actually THROW them to me!! That’s right… ME!! Cause these stupid brothers of mine couldn’t catch a cold!!! I consider all toys brought into this house as MINE!! I just need a little more action from lard-ass!! I’ve about had it!!!’
Wow!! Bonnie seems a little testy tonight. Baxter is hiding in the corner so I guess I’ll go next, if Bonnie will quit gnawing on my leg!
‘I don’t really have a complaint (Bonnie put us up to this!) but here’s something that does annoy me. FOOD!!! Just not enough!! I could use ALOT more!! Plus Bonnie steals mine which I don’t think is very fair! Am I not right?? Oh sure, I get fed in the morning and at night but it’s that crappy dry food and he’s always slipping things into it like heartworm pills and other crap! Little does he know that I spit them out and there’s a huge pile of them under the fridge. Woof Woof!!! I guess I’m saying that I need more treats during the day and maybe a pig’s ear chew more often than once a month!! Hmmm, Guess I DID have a complaint!’
Here comes Baxter so I guess he’s ready to bare his little doggy soul. But he has to hurry before mom and dad show up!
‘Ummm….. hi I’m Baxter! I’m kinda shy and don’t talk (bark) alot but my real complaint is not with mommy and daddy but with these two here!!! My so-called brother and sister!! They are bullies and are always picking on me!! They won’t share the toys with me, steal my treats, and if I hadn’t learned to eat really fast, they would steal my food too!! No wonder I spend half of the day hiding under the bedsheets!! So I guess that’s about it! Here’s Big Bro Buzz!’
OK!! We just heard the car pull up so we have to go!! I just wanted to add that we have finally gotten used to that weird creature they call Bert, and Bonnie has stopped chewing on his face! Thanks for letting us have a doggy vent!! BONNIE!!!! Knock that off!!!!!!
We’ll be back!! Shhhhhh!!!!!!