The Constant Gardener

I was pretty sure I had posted about this blithering idiot before but I can’t find it.  The Vietnamese gardener I used up until the time we decided to get sod.  (Aside:  He asked if I needed him to mow when the yard was DIRT!!!!) 
Nuff said. 
He was and still is the laziest gardener I have ever seen!  Does the bare minimum, hardly cleans up and recently raised his fees!  I have fired him 3 times now but he still show’s up every other week, leaning on the doorbell at 6:30 AM!  As far as I can remember, our last conversation went pretty much like this:
HIM:  You want mow?
Me:  NO!
Him:  Your lawn look like crap!!
Me:  It’s dirt, you moron!
Him:  Next week?
Me:  Go Away!!
Him:  OK!  Next week!!
Me:  I have a gun!!
Him:  See you next week!
That was like two months ago!  And who happens to show up at my front door this morning at 6:30 LEANING on the doorbell??  You guessed it!!  Ho Chi Minh!!  Wanting to mow!  I explained to him that it was NEW sod and could not be walked on for 3 weeks or mowed for a month!!  He did a few calculations on his abacus and declared that he would be here NEXT WEEK!!  I told him no and that it would be another 3 weeks before I wanted it mowed and also that HE would not be inflicting his brutal tortue on it!!  He replied that he understood about new sod but hoped I would change my mind.  I told him I would think about it.  He then turned around and walked DIRECTLY across the lawn!!  I yelled at him and he said OOPS, but continued walking across the rest of the lawn and the parkway portion too! 
Guess who will NOT be getting hired!!  Jerk!!!
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14 Responses to The Constant Gardener

  1. Twila says:

    OH MY!  That’s just too funny.  Send him to my place, would ya’?  He certainly couldn’t HURT our yard!  And it’ll give him something to do.  🙂  Poor David is really trying to get our yard into better shape.  He’s even reading my Jerry Baker book about natural concoctions!  AND he plans to use some of them!  Amazing what boredom will make you do.  Anyway, thanks for the chuckle this morning.  I loved it!  Have a great day, Bob!  BTW, can you comment on my page yet?  Should work just like always.  I didn’t change any settings regarding comments. 

  2. Kat says:

    Good grief! I’m surprised you haven’t buried him under the house already!! 

  3. ♥ Aimee says:

     lol…sorry but i had to laugh…hey atleast you got a laugh out of me…very miserable…they made it half way through the race and i am stuck here at work…
    *~*   :o) smiles are very contagious…  :o) not to mention free…  :o)  so pass one on to anyone every chance that you get…  :o)  before you know it the whole world will be smiling because of you… :o)   *~*

  4. CAROL says:

    LMAO thats a good one BOB.. LORDIE PETE there must be a language problem. HE ..NO COMPRENDE. Geez..what part of GET OUT does he not GET!!???    I would tell him I hired someone else and see what he does.. in his case I bet nothing he will be back like a bad penny. Take his picture and post it at the door. If this is YOU…. GO AWAY I DONT NEED YOU!
    MY I would hate someone at my door at 6:30 anyday of the week..much less one who keeps coming back. GaDS I am wondering what the heck it will take for sure!   Take care..   : )

  5. Louise says:

    PMSL lordy the mind boggles don’t it Bob! I hope you’re fit and well today. I’ve been working but I managed to catch the shuttle landing, ahhhhhh. Dunno what I am gonna do with me time now they’ve come back naff all on telly for a change lmao.
    (((BIG HUGS))) and loads of bright blessings xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

  6. Stephanie says:

    How good can he be if he can’t even tell when a lawn is dirt or grass? sheesh! BIG HUGS, Steph 

  7. Jane says:

     Hahahaha!  He’s not really a gardener anymore.  We’ve all chipped in and hired him to get you out of bed at 6:30! 
    If he come back you tell him:  lawn full of brand new landmines, not sure if they working, please to feel free to check out for me.  Then see who look like crap.

  8. Stephanie says:

    OH Jane, shhhhhhhhhhhhhh You weren’t supposed to tell him! 
    Sorry Bob,  it’s the only way we could get you outta bed before noon! lmao BIG HUGS, Steph

  9. Raven says:

     So Bob, how much will you pay ME to come mow your grass? And no, mowing the grass is not a euphamism for something sexual…or IS it? Mwah ha ha ha haaaaa-aaaahhhh!!!!!!!
    If someone rang my doorbell before 8am and it wasn’t to let me know my house was on fire, I’d shoot them through the door.
    So, how about a mow and blow?          
    SHEESH. I meant leaf blower (or did I?)
    I had one of those swirly veni vedi veci coffee rama lama ding dong mocha faggiatos…can you tell? Can you? Can you? Huh? Huh? What about now?
    Ok, I’m going

  10. KatSoup says:

     Ha haha i am so glad you posted, reposted or whatever.
    I laughed my ass off.

  11. Tracie says:

    Sorry that happened, but that is too funny!   lol 

  12. Cindy says:

    oh my … roflmfao … 

  13. TheSpeedofLife says:

    I’m still laughing at the dialog, too flippin funn!!  You could send him up here.  He would be a blessing since most of my acre of yard is weeds!  I like Jane’s comment, that girl is cruel yet oh so funny!!! 

  14. Sanne says:

    What a moron. 

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