CMA’s

 
 I thoroughly enjoyed the Country Music Awards last night.  I thought that Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley did a really good job as MC’s.  I was a little disappointed with some of the choices.  Especially Rascal Flatts receiving only one award!!  Dagnabbit!!  However, I plan on ‘trying’ to play some of the winners on my space this week. 
 
The first ‘Winner’ is by George Strait.  This song (I Saw God Today) won the award for Best Single.
 
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Still no Burt the Tortoise so I assume he is hibernating somewhere in the bushes.  He will be fine.  If I found him now and woke him up, he would have a tortoise-fit, plus I’m sure that he can’t back under the house.
 
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Now for Today’s Funny:
 
Installing PC Software
 
1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that
explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It
should look something like this:

SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS 2.66GHz PROCESSOR OR HIGHER 56K MODEM 2719.7 MB
FREE DISK SPACE 3546 MB RAM 432323 MB ROM 05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING
SYSTEM
2 TURTLE DOVES.   NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.

2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain
detailed instructions on installing, operating, and trouble-shooting the
software. Throw it away.

3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a
3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that
says:

LICENSING AGREEMENT: By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to
abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody
ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the
Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and
such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company
shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the
user’s home and examine the user’s hard drive, as well as the user’s
underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us
part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn’s early light, finders keepers,
losers weepers, thanks you’ve been a great crowd, and don’t forget to tip
your servers.

4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child),
please install this on my computer."

5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the
appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.

7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

8. You will hear grinding and! whirring noises for a while, after which the
following message should appear on your screen:

The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be
the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be
honest:

| YES | | SURE |

9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a
very long time while the installation program does who knows what in there.
Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that
when they’re done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new
device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation
program will create many new directories, sub-directories,
sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of
mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."

10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display
the following message:

CONGRATULATIONS
The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your
computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software.

If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of
breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should immediately
swear, like this: *!%!$&$%&*^$*!#$#!$*^&.

11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than
the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.

12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the
package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you,
in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12 

 
 
Have a GREAT Friday!!!!
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8 Responses to CMA’s

  1. Joe says:

    I wondered what you thought of the awards, I’m sure you’ll do everyone proud with your choice of songs.  I had to laugh at the last part of your blog, ain’t it da truth?

  2. Becca says:

    I thought that the soldiers wife speaking last night was moving and that when the audience was brought to their feet was awesome. Brad’s comments after were spot on!

  3. Grandma's says:

    I wasn’t particularily enamored of all the award choices either….but it was a great show.  Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley did a wonderful job as MC’s.  I look forward to hearing some of the winners.
    A "tortoise fit"….never seen one…describe it for me….LOL
    You have a great Friday too, Bob.
    Take Care
    ~Karin~  
     

  4. Tracie says:

    I didn’t watch.  Sorry, I know – I just don’t have the patience for those shows.  What did I do last night?  hmm think think – Yoga. but after that I don’t remember, hmm Yoga must have relaxed me!  HAHA

  5. DANA says:

    I forgot the CMA’s were on last night so I watched other lame stuff cuz I was too lazy to get up and find the remote… so I missed it. Rascall Flats is the best, I’m happy he got at least one.
    Instructions are funny, I always wonder what it’s doing with all that noise.

  6. Sue says:

    Didn’t see the awards, but love the piece about installing software.  That’s right about the kids 3-12 being able to do it successfully!  Just getting package open is stressful enough…

  7. Georgia says:

    oh, my finish definitely was not impressive.  but it was cool ~ i finished somewhere in the middle of the novices i started the race with.  my time was 2hrs 18mins, again not impressive, but only a few minutes over what i was aiming for.  hoping to finish in under 2hrs next time!  enjoyed your funny…:)  i hope burt is safe and sound in hibernation.  be sure to keep us posted of any sightings!  your dog…too darn funny…;)
     
    be great,
    j

  8. J says:

    Hi Bob, Glad to get the update on CMA awards and software installation is priceless! I’ve been working on a blog idea. These software instructions would fit well. You mind if  I borrow a few pointers?
    j

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