So You Wanna Live In California?

 
We aren’t crazy!!  Really!!!
 
 

Candy cane lawn ornament is used to subdue attacker

November 29, 2008

SACRAMENTO

Attacker subdued with plastic lawn ornament

A man used a candy cane lawn ornament to fend off a knife-wielding neighbor who had been attacking holiday guests at a Sacramento home, authorities said.

Police spokesman Sgt. Norm Leong said the man used the 2-foot-tall plastic ornament to subdue the attacker until officers arrived.

Leong said the 49-year-old suspect became intoxicated, went over to a neighbor’s home on Thanksgiving and began waving a kitchen knife at people gathered on the lawn.

He cut several peoples’ clothing before one of them decided to fight back, police said.

Authorities said the unidentified man with the knife was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

The guest who took up the candy cane was not arrested because officers determined that he acted in self-defense.

 
Probably a redneck!!!
 
No knife or lawn ornament attacks in our neighborhood today…… So far!  Charlotte has washed and dried all of her towels but still no sign of the plumber or her son.  Luckily she has two bathrooms.  I’ll check on her again soon.
 
***************************************************************************************
 
Saturday Funny!!
 
(Wouldn’t you Love to have the nerve to do this??)
 
 
LETTER OF RESIGNATION
 

Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my
co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.

 
I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp-dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.

 
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting points.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please,I hate having to correct your damn mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of commendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*ck with your systems administrators,because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,

Ted Brewer

***************************************************************************************

I hope everyone is having a great longgggg weekend!!

Changing songs…  Maybe Brad Paisley’s BEST song!!


 

 
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11 Responses to So You Wanna Live In California?

  1. michael says:

    That was quite cute, I had a small chuckel to myself,
    wishing you a mice weekend..Michael

  2. Rambling says:

    Hope it’s been great for you and your wife.  I have been away from Spaces all week.  So, back and ready to annoy. 🙂

  3. Jude says:

    Well, Bob, to be honest I’d rather live anywhere but here….course it mostly has to do with the neighbour and all that crap, but what can ya do??  LOL
     
    Hope you’re doing well.  🙂

  4. Stephanie says:

    Hey, at least their neighbors have something to talk about…
    OH and you crack me up with the redneck stuff… ummmmm isn’t your nickname, "Big Bubba?" Just sayin…. BIG HUGS, Steph

  5. Beth says:

    No, I always wanted to visit California but I never have had a desire to live there.
    Hugs, Beth

  6. Grandma's says:

    Aren’t you now?  Are you sure?   Knife wielding neighbor gets attacked by another neighbor with a Christmas Lawn Ornament….LOL…sorry…I’m thankful nobody got hurt.  But honestly Bob, what the heck do they put in your drinking water down there?  LOL
    Hope you are enjoying your looooooong weekend.  No doubt you are….Pinky, Crazy Lady and the rest of the gang.  Too Funny!!
     
    You are right…that is one of Brad Paisley’s better songs.
     
    Enjoy your Sunday Bob….I wonder what adventures await you and your camera?

  7. David says:

    Wasn’t it CA where there was a shoot-out at a Toys R Us?  Not that that isn’t understandable but hey…I am thinking it would be perfectly legal for the supervisor to display the letter in response to job inquiries – at least as legal as the employee sharing the boss’s communications.  I actually have not really had bosses I wanted to write such a letter to, but a couple of co-workers over the years – oh YEAH, baby! 

  8. Babblelot says:

    Just another reason why I wouldn’t want to go to Caleefohnya too much crime

  9. Cindy says:

    OK, So I WAS going to say, "Yes despite it all I want to live in California…" But that gives an insight to my sanity I’d rather not discuss…LOL!

  10. Sue says:

    Hey, whatever is nearby is game when you are attacked!  Hats off to the candy-cane wielder and, only in CA would this story make front-page news!  Loved the resignation letter.  My hubby will get a blast out of that too!  Have a fun holiday and stay away from overflowing toilets…Oh, and check out my new short story ;-]

  11. Kat says:

    omg LOL!!! at the candy cane Knight!!!
    Too damn funny.
     
    Hope your Thanksgiving was a grand one!  *hugssssss*

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