Warning!!!: Sports Blog!

Becky is at a baby shower and took the camera but the neighborhood is eerily quiet so that’s OK.  Last night’s FedEx Orange bowl game FINALLY ended the College Football season (I need to find a source for FedEx oranges!).  What ever happened to the season ending on New Years Day?  Oh yeah!  Corporate sponsors and TV!  So who is #1??  According to the BCS (Bogus Champion Series) It’s Florida.  But I’m not convinced.  Utah clobbered Alabama and USC lost one game to a conference opponent and then there’s Texas.  But enough of that!  Playoffs I tell ya!!  Playoffs!!

Here’s my main point.  The players have unions and agents to represent them.  They have shoe companies and marketing firms and nasty little men in hard shiny shoes.  What do the fans have???  Zippo, Zilch!!

Sports fans need their own Bill of Rights, and they need it right now.  And like me, it should use simple words that even babies know.  In fact, let me throw out the first pitch:

First Amendment:  Freedom to park. I don’t want to pay 20 bucks for a spot in a cruddy part of town.  Sports stadiums should be like Vegas, where parking is free and cocktails are often complimentary. So throw us a bone: Free parking.  Need the revenue?  Stick it to your regional cable network.

Second Amendment:  No game lasts more than 2 hours and 30 minutes.  Look, I’m no P.T.Barnum, but there is NO form of entertainment that should last much more than 2 hours – not movies, stage plays, bachelor parties or rodeos.  The human attention span is set for two hours.  The bladder was built for two hours.  After two hours, circulation to our butts begins to ebb and our backsides start to die.

Third Amendment:  Every day should be "Fan Appreciation Day".  Quit treating us like you’re doing us a favor.  Dive into the stands after every touchdown.  Add 10 minutes to your pregame routine for autographs.  Just because that 8-year-old in the second row thinks you’re a god doesn’t mean you should act like one.

Fourth Amendment:  No more computers.  I don’t care what you do with them.  Sell them to NASA.  Set them on the curb and smash them with cinder blocks.  If BCS computers ran beauty pageants, Rosie O’Donnell would be Miss California.

Fifth Amendment:  Let fans vote off the announcers.  That would mean guys like Tony Kornheiser would be thrown out immediately.  Swell guy I’m sure, but Korny appears to have learned English from old Buddy Hackett comedy albums.

Oh, what to make of the venerable "Monday Night Football."  Here’s a half-thought (my specialty):  Move it back to a broadcast network.  Then team up the dream team of Al Michaels, Chris Collingsworth and a third, rotating guest announcer.  One week it could be Mike Ditka, Bart Simpson, Tina Fey, Bill Cosby, William Shatner…..

What, Bart Simpson isn’t real??  Well, increasingly, neither are the fans.  We don’t ask for much.  just a few inalienable rights.  I can dream, can’t I???


Santa Ana Winds just began here and will continue throughout the weekend!  Oh goody!!  5% humidity, temps in the 80’s and gusts from 60 to 80 mph!!  If that sounds good, come on out!!!  Be sure to wear your lead shoes!

Becky is taking customers to the L A Lakers/Indiana Pacers game tonight!!  Nice dinner, great seats and Free!!!  I’ll be here, eating the other half of my Subway sandwich and watching hockey and wrestling…. like there’s that much difference!!   Just kidding!!  Wrestling is REAL!!  LOL!!

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7 Responses to Warning!!!: Sports Blog!

  1. Beth says:

    Great post Bob; even though I am not a huge sports fan I enjoyed it. If it doesn’t involve the STL Cards or my mens Illini basketball team I don’t keep up with sports. lol

  2. Jane says:

    Florida schmorida. Only ONE team was totally unbeaten. ahem.Good luck with those rights!

  3. Laoch says:

    I think Florida would beat Utah handily but I agree that there should be a playoff!

  4. Jude says:

    Nooooo, not a blog about sports…..there can’t be a blog about sports unless it’s about THE sport, which is hockey of course!! Then again, the Sens suck the big kahuna this year, so maybe I shouldn’t be talking hockey! LMAOI’ll take your Santa Ana winds over my Arctic friggin’ winds (that is the technical term for it, honest….at least the one I can type on your space! ROFLMAO)OK….ok……I think I need to get a life, don’t I? LOL

  5. Kat says:

    I’m game! The wind never stops blowing here so that won’t bother me one bit, 80 degrees sounds so nice compared to 14 here

  6. Deborah says:

    I would give anything for the Santa Ana winds — ANYTHING!!! It’s 5 degrees here and I’m cold just thinking about going outside to grab the paper off the porch. My son Jaime lives in Anaheim and it was 73 there yesterday according to the paper. I wonder if I can move my whole family out there. I’ll be hunkered down with the playoffs this weekend (after I clean the darn front hall closet). I wonder if I’m the only person here in town with a Chargers Jersey.Deb

  7. Sue says:

    I can see watching hockey, but wrestling???? Come on! The fights are much better in hockey! Much more entertaining than basketball—oh well, baseball season is just around the corner!!! Enjoy the fights, uh er, game, Bob!

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